2 months 3 days

My baby has grown up significantly since the last time I delivered her. She was fragile before, her leg and arm moved aimlessly, and she cried with her eyes shut and no tears. Today, she has stepped into another phase of her development. Her motions are more deliberate, she cried with tears (and hit a higher note at times), she smiled and laughed, and she cooed back to us when talking. Each day, she surprised us with her development, and we would treasure each one of them. There will come a day we are going to miss them. 

To tell the truth, I did lose my insanity when the postnatal blues kicked in right after the labor, particularly during confinement weeks. I couldn’t help but be uncontrollably emotional. It was everyone’s fault before mine and it had been a ‘no one understands me’ phase. But it didn’t happen for no reason, that I’ve learned more from the pains and a new responsibility. That phase was necessary to mature us, both, in this parenthood. One thing I had ever regretted the most until this day is that I failed to manage my emotion during those days that I ended up venting to her. She was crying constantly and I was in a wasted condition, Baba was at work, everyone else was settling their own business and it was only two of us in that room. I couldn't help but shout to her "Khawlah tidur!" while staring straight into her innocent eyes. I guess that incident gunned me down with the reality that I am not a good mother after all. I am not but I am keen to be a better one for her.

She does have her moody days, but she is an easy baby for most of the days -at least she is respectful to our bedtime. There’s a days I could be super productive with her being soundly asleep for most of the hours, and there's a days I couldn’t do a thing but nursing her.  Although the nursing part can be tiring and exhausting most of the time, I couldn’t help to feel grateful, blessed, and joyful to be by her side on this journey. To me, Khawlah only has her parents to rely upon as much as she can. People around us are super helpful as well, but they don’t have the privilege to be 24hrs with her as her parents. I have learned to be thankful no matter which day I am having. Plus having a helpful and understanding partner did a good favor for my mental health. Many thought my hubs was a hot-tempered person, as he appeared no friendly at the first glance, but the truth is that he is more sabr and rational than me. 

We are truly looking forward to each day witnessing her growing up -even if we have to sacrifice some of our routines, but it is truly worth it all. As Baba said: she is one of our most valuable investments ever.