Our Lovely Fighter, Khawlah.

 Bismillah.

On a brisk Friday evening of the second on December 2022, we welcomed our long-awaited new member, Khawlah bint Emir. Today, we have passed 1 month and 7 days since we put on that "Baba" & "Mama" title. Surely, time passes here and there. It amazed me in some way, that this day has come, the day I would finally be writing a post on my kids. My 2012 self would cheer for who am I today. That I have never thought marriage -a thing that my young self doubted pursuing, will work in some magical ways. Despite I did have a different outlook on what my mid-20s be doing, I am in general grateful and thankful for how-ever it turned out to be. Alhamdulillah. 

After experiencing antenatal, labour, and postnatal, it is wise to say that there's more of life to "see", "feel", and "reflect". Having a kid has changed my day-to-day routine. It has changed my priority, redefined my dreams, and refined my focus. Today, I came back to journalling upon this evolution, that I would like to have my development to be documented in some ways. 

As for these 3 experiences;-

Pregnancy,

The first trimester was terrible for me with morning sickness, gastric, and a sudden drop in my energy level. Suddenly I had no appetite to eat -not even Kinder Bueno nor Llaollao. I started to appreciate the appetite to eat, and a healthy health. My joy was counting her kicks, chit-chatting with my "belly" on almost everything, and tracking her development day by day. Things got better during the second trimester but then in third trimester, I was struggling with the whole-body aches and extra weight to carry around. On our last holiday before delivery to KL, we had to make a few stops on our way back home. I was 36-weeks pregnant and the aches were no joke. 

Labour,

Alhamdulilah for normal delivery and alhamdulillah for all the ease during labour. Though I kept saying to others that it was a real-est pain I had ever suffered, it was rather a short-period suffering. The contraction pain, the waiting game, the why-my-husband-keep-talking-while-I-am-in-contraction-pain anger, the pushing stage, and the episiotomy. They were all gone once I held my baby for the first time. Once I saw her, and our eyes met for the first time. I fell in love again and again. Although Mama couldn't feed you on the first day, Mama love you at first sight. Khawlah is "cahaya mata" to Baba and Mama.          

Postnatal,

I fell in love with her -yes I did. But love has its expenses. The first 30 days of postnatal weren't easy for us to keep up with love maintenance. Particularly the first 2-weeks for me. When the episiotomy stitches were due to healing. But I believe, the struggle for us was the fact that this was a new thing for us. To understand her cries, and her needs, to adapt to parenthood, and to be the best for you. And for Khawlah and I -we both were struggling to fill in the emptiness Baba left us for 5 days. Everything else was a noise. By the end of the day, love maintenance ain't cheap, but they are manageable. Even when you are out of everything, you will still find yourself managing to love others, by paying its maintenance with the love that you have once received and still receiving from your loved ones. 

The most valuable lesson that I have learnt from these experiences is to be selfish and selfless. Both attitudes when balanced with each other, they would be just the right amount for love maintenance.