My have-a-go months

 Bismillah.

November-Early December has been momentous months for me. Lots of things happened and lots of new challenges that had to be embraced but I am glad that I took the courage to give it a go.

Open-up to SV

I had previously rant on how I had to deal with some challenges at work. A week or two later, my SV gave me a call for rapport session. Upon completing discussing on work -the addition of another load of works- he changed his tone. "I'd like to be frank with you and the same way I expect you to be," his remarks were as strong as his courage to initiate the discussion. He told me he had noticed a change in my enthusiastic spirit and passion. With that to highlight, he immediately asked if there was anything that he needed to know. So I decided to drop one of the honesty bombs. I didn't tell it all instead I chose what really matters. Because no one is perfect and it will be unfair to highlight all from only one side. We made a deal at the end of the day, which immediately I felt reborn again for this work. 

Conference

It was 1-2 weeks before I knew I had to present for the conference. Conference, in simpler, is a platform to share your research findings. I was really bad at public speaking that I couldn't do any work before the event upon acknowledging my worst nightmare. I had initially planned to practise 3-5 days earlier but every time I thought of the scene where I had to present my works to others (virtually) I could feel repeated punches were thrown to my stomach. At the end, I spent the very last minute to prepare everything and Alhamdulillah it went as I had planned earlier. I was as glad as a mom that I gave it a try despite continuous thoughts to run away 😂😂😂😂. One of the positive outcomes from this participation, aside from new experience, I had gain confidence in myself. Confidence is best gained after fear is overcome.

Usrah

I would like to thanks Mira for keep pushing me for higher and more. She had initially invited me to "bawak usrah" together with her and Kak Nurin. Despite I have been in usrah system for almost/more 4 years now, this is a new challenge that I decided to take up this year. I have always been comfortable with media as my medan but I thought of taking more this year since I have (had) extra time as compared to when I was in architecture before. Alhamdulillah, aside from my first time as muwajjih, I had enjoyed my development throughout each session. I learnt more when I did the sharing as compared to when I was receiving them. 

Speak up

Growing up as Hajar all these years, I had previously preferred to bottle-up any dissatisfaction, any thoughts I had on things, any disagreement -or even agreement, any argument, I would always choose to keep it for myself to avoid further unpredictable consequences. But because of individuals around me who has influenced and inspired me to spoke up, hahah, you have to deal with the consequences now 😂😂 (e.g I will directly let you know if I don't agree on things). Especially to this one person, I hope you are given all patience to deal with further arguments 😉.

"Don't mistake movement with achievements." While my months might look as if they were as productive as Elon Musk (ok that comparison is overboard), I had achieved less than most. If I had the bravery to list out my downside/unproductivity for this months, perhaps it could even overtake the above lists. But I will take each step, step-by-step to overtop my previous months, my previous weeks, my yesterday and my secs ago. I will give it a go. GIVE IT A GO HAJAR. POUR ON EFFORT. 

*okay, to be honest, I found myself burnt out this few days so I sort of need to re-motivate myself.*