Today I give up

Today I give up.

Today I choose to give up. It has been few days, few weeks, few months and few years of choosing to wake up and stand up. Finally today I learnt that I can give up too. Giving up being a hardworking employee, a good daughter, a dedicated wife, a happy mother -I can choose that too. And it is definitely okay because I’m also a work in progress -I can’t be perfect yet. 

To my future-self; at this moment you are mentally exhausted. All your positive energy is drained, and you are awfully dreadful. You lost this time - but only to choose what matter more, which made it a beautiful losing decision. And thank you for always choosing to stay alive. For keeping sane; because now you have two beautiful daughters who look up to you. 

I feel sorry for failing to keep up being a good mom to my two daughters; that it will keep haunting me and I’ll repeatedly on regrets for failing to manage my temperament, but girls, I sincerely love you with all my heart, it is all my fault as a human being and mama is sorry for my shortcomings.

It has been a lonely morning walks these days, that mama is trying her best to patch the path. I have no regrets of having you two in these world. My only regret is for being greedy with the world. I know I can’t have it all; but I’m being greedy because I want to provide the best to you. Eventually I might have to let go some of them so I can have bigger space in my heart for you two ❤️❤️.