Pre: Tied a knot

Before

A couple weeks before D-day, I had a couple spaced-out moments. While trying to keep my mind grounded, I couldn't escape from what people called pre-wedding what-if syndrome. I had hundreds -perhaps more of what-if ideas swirling in my head. 

"What if we are not compatible with each other after this?"

"What if we get tired of each other?"

"What if he wants a change in me?"

"What if he is not the same as his portfolio?"

what if and what if at endless lengths. 

Piece by pieces, my what-ifs pilled up till my doubt turned into "maybe I shouldn't...........". To top, I wasn't fully prepared to relocate my works. Having to move away from the mine of my career wasn't something that I had in my mind when I first started. 

It was an indescribable mixed feeling I had to encounter on my counting days. I was exhilarated, nervous, overwhelmed, sad, confused, but also at peace. 

Many times I assured myself with a clear intention I had. "I know what I want," is the mantra that I kept repeating day by day. "And I know I have Allah by my side thus good or bad." 

From a friend, I learned that doubt, on a case basis, was a satan campaign to prevent us from advancing in our maratib amal. After all, this wasn't an overnight decision. It was the path I took after multiple istikharah, musyawarah & consideration.

Ya Allah, I'm truly a weak abd. You are the Highest above all, thus assist me with each step I will partake, partaking & have partaken. May Allah forgive me (& us) for our wrongdoings. 

"Wa makaru wa makarallah, Wallahu Khairul makirin"