Bismillah.
I have been working from home in Kelantan for more than a month now. With my brother sat opposite to me, with his trading business, I was desperately trying to concentrate for at least 30-40 mins on works before taking 10 mins interval break.
And I only managed to work on average 5 hours daily on research that afterwards, neither exhausted nor tired, I just ----------- found myself relapse into boreout syndrome. Urgh, how did my brother managed to concentrate at his screen from 8am-11pm with minimal interval break every single day including weekend???
I did ask him, tho I already knew the answer. To simplify his long explanation, he managed to handle the long concentration because of his "deep passion spirit". Also, I noticed that he had a strong support system, a huge trading community with a good coach that guided pretty well.
I? I learnt everything pretty much by myself for this work. For each project each supervisor, at norms there is only one research assistant. Am I trying to complain now? Yes. Have I tried to find solution? Yes. Did it work? Pretty much minimal at this stage.
Yesterday, the weekend that I had been counting days for, I spent my morning by cleaning up my working space and updating my website (my long term planning). I was trying to clean up my mind and this demotivated spirit too but I couldn't concentrate on this new book for more than 5 phrases. Perhaps because I have been doing reading for my research work that I have grown sick of it, even for a light reading.
While vacuuming my workspace, I had this internal monologue,
"Eh habuk ni, esok lusa ada pula. Memang kena vacuum tiap kali ke apa."
"Ha, diri you punn. Your inner self need frequent cleanse too, or else it will begin to be covered by dust then worser become mouldy, might as well dead inside."
A few moments later, I sat at the front of my laptop with full concentration, rearranging my artworks on the website that I didn't even notice time had passed by.
"Oh boleh pulak fokus buat kerja ni?"
"Eh ke sebab this is actually your passion?"
"Hmm, should I just send out my resignation letter and pursue this kind of work, seeing that I have no problem to concentrate on it."
"No gemok, you like doing this because it is easy, relaxing and commitment-free. You will hate it too once it gets harder and force to commit to it. Let's put a boundary between hobby and career, will you?"
"You love writing too. But because the level of competency has risen up, you started to grow boredom on its difficulty. You realise that this is a never-ending climbing journey - to keep up with others, to race up against time, to put up a fight against yourself."
"I am such a kura-kura."
I know some of my friends, relatives who are currently in this type of race game too. This is beyond words to describe its exhaustion, struggle and complexity. And it's personal to everyone on its level of difficulty. Some will never understand until they are racing the same race.
I have no good words to coax anyone, I am only good at sugarcoating myself.
The only thing that I keep remind myself is that:
if someone else can do it, I can do it too.
if I don't do it today, I will regret it later.
You will hate this today, but you will thank for it the whole of your life.
Also -the only way to overcome your enemy is by facing up your enemy.
If laziness is your enemy, then face up your laziness. Don't simply send them off, they will keep butting in again in the future. Which was why I did "Doing what you don't like" challenge few times this week. For instance if I knew I had to read this one journal but my inward thoughts went like "urgh, I don't like doing this," then I had to do it.
For each work that I didn't like to do it, I had to do it that day.
What a challenge, but it did give a good vibe. Few more sessions, I might get addicted to this challenge.
Oh wow, look I can actually write 750+ words in less than 3 hours. While it took me a week to finish up a 100 words of academic writing 😤 .
I have been working from home in Kelantan for more than a month now. With my brother sat opposite to me, with his trading business, I was desperately trying to concentrate for at least 30-40 mins on works before taking 10 mins interval break.
And I only managed to work on average 5 hours daily on research that afterwards, neither exhausted nor tired, I just ----------- found myself relapse into boreout syndrome. Urgh, how did my brother managed to concentrate at his screen from 8am-11pm with minimal interval break every single day including weekend???
I did ask him, tho I already knew the answer. To simplify his long explanation, he managed to handle the long concentration because of his "deep passion spirit". Also, I noticed that he had a strong support system, a huge trading community with a good coach that guided pretty well.
I? I learnt everything pretty much by myself for this work. For each project each supervisor, at norms there is only one research assistant. Am I trying to complain now? Yes. Have I tried to find solution? Yes. Did it work? Pretty much minimal at this stage.
Yesterday, the weekend that I had been counting days for, I spent my morning by cleaning up my working space and updating my website (my long term planning). I was trying to clean up my mind and this demotivated spirit too but I couldn't concentrate on this new book for more than 5 phrases. Perhaps because I have been doing reading for my research work that I have grown sick of it, even for a light reading.
While vacuuming my workspace, I had this internal monologue,
"Eh habuk ni, esok lusa ada pula. Memang kena vacuum tiap kali ke apa."
"Ha, diri you punn. Your inner self need frequent cleanse too, or else it will begin to be covered by dust then worser become mouldy, might as well dead inside."
A few moments later, I sat at the front of my laptop with full concentration, rearranging my artworks on the website that I didn't even notice time had passed by.
"Oh boleh pulak fokus buat kerja ni?"
"Eh ke sebab this is actually your passion?"
"Hmm, should I just send out my resignation letter and pursue this kind of work, seeing that I have no problem to concentrate on it."
"No gemok, you like doing this because it is easy, relaxing and commitment-free. You will hate it too once it gets harder and force to commit to it. Let's put a boundary between hobby and career, will you?"
"You love writing too. But because the level of competency has risen up, you started to grow boredom on its difficulty. You realise that this is a never-ending climbing journey - to keep up with others, to race up against time, to put up a fight against yourself."
"I am such a kura-kura."
I know some of my friends, relatives who are currently in this type of race game too. This is beyond words to describe its exhaustion, struggle and complexity. And it's personal to everyone on its level of difficulty. Some will never understand until they are racing the same race.
I have no good words to coax anyone, I am only good at sugarcoating myself.
The only thing that I keep remind myself is that:
if someone else can do it, I can do it too.
if I don't do it today, I will regret it later.
You will hate this today, but you will thank for it the whole of your life.
Also -the only way to overcome your enemy is by facing up your enemy.
If laziness is your enemy, then face up your laziness. Don't simply send them off, they will keep butting in again in the future. Which was why I did "Doing what you don't like" challenge few times this week. For instance if I knew I had to read this one journal but my inward thoughts went like "urgh, I don't like doing this," then I had to do it.
For each work that I didn't like to do it, I had to do it that day.
What a challenge, but it did give a good vibe. Few more sessions, I might get addicted to this challenge.
Oh wow, look I can actually write 750+ words in less than 3 hours. While it took me a week to finish up a 100 words of academic writing 😤 .
oh, i can even do a video. What an effort.
(i just need a media and i thought oh why don't i put this video i did earlier today)
"But at the end, you actually can do it. 1000 words per day. or a video in a day. Might as well delivering this project with exceptional result earlier than the date. And you can also go big one day, beyond your imagination. You just have to do it. "
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