Bismillah.
25th of March at 1632 I received a missed call. I was on my 45-mins of working period that I put my phone on silence but I couldn't resist at times to tap on the screen to look out for the notification. This one missed call was something that I found I couldn't ignore. I did ignore 3 missed calls from a number previously that the deliveryman had to wait for almost an hour to deliver my stuff. Immediately, I called back the number.
I was right.
It was a call from Prof Azlan, a deputy dean from my department. He interviewed me last week for my master application. We had all deals made, the call was something that I didn't expect to. I had almost fell from my chair as he introduced himself.
"Siti sihat?". Prof Azlan was a really formal and professional person as I could recall. He would not randomly ask about my condition if it was not for something urgent. I sensed something not at its place therefore I immediately told him I had a temperature last week and all okay by now. "One of our members for the meeting on last 13th had tested positive."
My over preparation made sense now. Right now I am waiting for my test result that the fastest will be tomorrow. or today.
I was at first confused, my mind blanked out and lost concentration and direction. But along the way, after three days from the jaw dropping announcement I made my own reflection on the whole case that now I can relate as much as patient under investigation (pui). The whole incident is just a piece of jigsaw to the whole puzzle.
I did asked myself what scared me the most. Is it because of its mortality rate despite it is low? or damage to the health being despite I am in immunocompetent age category? or current workloads progress if I had to be warded? Oh I need to cancel that groceries delivery on 2nd, pay my rent beforehand, tick off every debts if there's any, make up all the missed fasts of Ramadhan, make significant progress on my article etc etc etc.
I sat down and calm myself. "You know that, there's a bigger problem that you should be worried about."
"How is your mutabaah amal is doing? Do you really concentrate on each prayer? What have you done to help people around you? How many times have you committed sins this week? How have you spent your time? your money? power and strength?" "Will you be okay with your promptly amal if He chooses you today?"
"That, even after Allah let you know that you are in a high risk category, the first list to you was your worldly matter." "That is why you are not at ease."
"If my Lord call on me today to give His judgement upon my acts throughout my life, will I be able to smile and answer, "I did justice throughout my life." ?"
"Dan setiap umat mempunyai ajal (batas waktu). Apabila ajalnya tiba, mereka tidak dapat meminta penundaan atau percepatan sesaat waktu." Al-A'raf (34).
This morning He gave me another reminder, the same surah, verses 38 to 51 compare on the condition those the rightfuls and the wrongdoers at the door of heaven and hell.
"Dan orang-orang di atas A'raf (tempat yang tertinggi) menyeru orang-orang yang mereka kenal dengan tanda-tandanya sambil berkata, "Harta yang kamu kumpulkan dan apa yang kamu sombongkan, (ternyata) tidak ada manfaatnya buat kamu." (48)
Even if I was tested negative, or survived this whole thing, I wonder will I ever be readily ready with my amal if my day has truly came tomorrow, the next day, the next year, in 10-50 years to come. I am grateful if He chose me this time because the signs were made apparent.
We only appreciate things once they are taken away from us. We appreciate freedom this month, next month we will be tested with hunger. But we can never appreciate life once it is taken.
May He shows us the light at the beginning of every our doing.
25th of March at 1632 I received a missed call. I was on my 45-mins of working period that I put my phone on silence but I couldn't resist at times to tap on the screen to look out for the notification. This one missed call was something that I found I couldn't ignore. I did ignore 3 missed calls from a number previously that the deliveryman had to wait for almost an hour to deliver my stuff. Immediately, I called back the number.
I was right.
It was a call from Prof Azlan, a deputy dean from my department. He interviewed me last week for my master application. We had all deals made, the call was something that I didn't expect to. I had almost fell from my chair as he introduced himself.
"Siti sihat?". Prof Azlan was a really formal and professional person as I could recall. He would not randomly ask about my condition if it was not for something urgent. I sensed something not at its place therefore I immediately told him I had a temperature last week and all okay by now. "One of our members for the meeting on last 13th had tested positive."
My over preparation made sense now. Right now I am waiting for my test result that the fastest will be tomorrow. or today.
I was at first confused, my mind blanked out and lost concentration and direction. But along the way, after three days from the jaw dropping announcement I made my own reflection on the whole case that now I can relate as much as patient under investigation (pui). The whole incident is just a piece of jigsaw to the whole puzzle.
I did asked myself what scared me the most. Is it because of its mortality rate despite it is low? or damage to the health being despite I am in immunocompetent age category? or current workloads progress if I had to be warded? Oh I need to cancel that groceries delivery on 2nd, pay my rent beforehand, tick off every debts if there's any, make up all the missed fasts of Ramadhan, make significant progress on my article etc etc etc.
I sat down and calm myself. "You know that, there's a bigger problem that you should be worried about."
"How is your mutabaah amal is doing? Do you really concentrate on each prayer? What have you done to help people around you? How many times have you committed sins this week? How have you spent your time? your money? power and strength?" "Will you be okay with your promptly amal if He chooses you today?"
"That, even after Allah let you know that you are in a high risk category, the first list to you was your worldly matter." "That is why you are not at ease."
"If my Lord call on me today to give His judgement upon my acts throughout my life, will I be able to smile and answer, "I did justice throughout my life." ?"
"Dan setiap umat mempunyai ajal (batas waktu). Apabila ajalnya tiba, mereka tidak dapat meminta penundaan atau percepatan sesaat waktu." Al-A'raf (34).
This morning He gave me another reminder, the same surah, verses 38 to 51 compare on the condition those the rightfuls and the wrongdoers at the door of heaven and hell.
"Dan orang-orang di atas A'raf (tempat yang tertinggi) menyeru orang-orang yang mereka kenal dengan tanda-tandanya sambil berkata, "Harta yang kamu kumpulkan dan apa yang kamu sombongkan, (ternyata) tidak ada manfaatnya buat kamu." (48)
Even if I was tested negative, or survived this whole thing, I wonder will I ever be readily ready with my amal if my day has truly came tomorrow, the next day, the next year, in 10-50 years to come. I am grateful if He chose me this time because the signs were made apparent.
We only appreciate things once they are taken away from us. We appreciate freedom this month, next month we will be tested with hunger. But we can never appreciate life once it is taken.
May He shows us the light at the beginning of every our doing.
No comments:
Post a Comment