Counting on His blessings

Bismillah.

This week, I learnt a thing.

I have been officially unemployed approx for 3 months. The first few days I arrived at home, I had been receiving a lot of "what's now, what's next?". I had a plan before I decided to come back home earlier (in August) that at the first I wanted to work in UK until Oct. I had my own well-planned plan.

Little did I know, nothing would work out as my initial plan. Little did I know, it took more than just a plan to make it work. Little did I know, I was about to embark on the different path. At times when it was too much to handle, I hid my tears with the pillow and patted myself saying, it's okay it will be fine, it's okay you will be fine, it is just another one of those bad days, you will get through this. 

I am really thankful for the support that I received from my family, of my brothers' "lawak hambar," my sissy again "lawak hambar" and my mom and dad, the only sane in the family and obviously friends, those who are always there good and bad. 

I am a melancholic person, the one who easily get discouraged by few turn-downs. Perhaps because I had always had it easy, those unsuccessful work applications hit me hard. I started to feel worthless, from a cheerful UK graduate to a stay-at-home ugly job-seeker. I was super negative until I saw an ig story of my friend. She was also an archi UK graduate and was also actively seeking for a job until her aunt got her one, the unexpected offer came to her desperate soul at the right time. She mentioned that despite that she might pose a "modern muslim" lifestyle, deep down in her heart she is closer to Him than what she has portrayed, she relies completely on Him, she trusts Him with all of her heart because she knew no one can give her what she wants except Him -only Him.

I was taken aback. I had been trying so hard to please the recruiters with my portfolio, beg for his commitment, be a good daughter but little did i ever tried to please Him, the One who own every tiny pieces of my soul.

To add, here is a couple of wisdoms from Mizi Wahid, Call Upon Him, that I immediately can relate to my case after reading it few days ago; 

1. No matter how much he asks from people, it will never be enough. There's only so much that a friend or a stranger can give. But the good news is, that Allah owns all the riches of the heavens and the earth in its entirety. There will be more than enough (even extra) if we seek from Him.

2. Make supplication a habit, make Allah s.w.t your main priority not your last resort.

3. A prayer should not only be a tool we use to get the things we want from God, but it should be done as a sign of our sincere devotion and utter dependency towards Him, a kind of service to God, an Ibadah on its own.

It is really essential for me to experience these heartbreaks that only from these I will ever get closer to Him, have the chance to be grateful of His Blessings and grow unquestionable faith to His plan. Only from these heartbreaks. Every delay has its blessings 💖