Bismillah.
Like many others, I have always been dreaming to be a successful person. Everyone has a different meaning of success. But to me it is to have a dreaming job and the highest position I can climb in the society hierarchy which I define it as a living proof of intelligence, discipline and hardworking.
Second, to marry the one I loved, a man with a decent character and his family background that on par with me. We are going to live in a house designed by me, filled with love, waking up everyday still loving each other year by year.
Third, to be a good mother to my kids. I have a soft spot for kids, for a big family, perhaps since I have been raised in the exact environment. They drained my energy but they fueled me with attention, that only enough to drive me forward. For the children to be the best for their goals, to achieve the top of pyramid.
Last week was a miserable to the part where I started to deny the purpose of my existence. Maybe because I was too hard on myself, whenever I hit the bottom I find it is hard for me to handle the evil thought. The thought of "why there's not a thing you can do good? why do you even exist then?"
This morning, we arrived UoN at 3 from Gatwick Airport. The misfortune was that my battery left with 4% and I was waiting for a driver to respond to my quest when my battery died. I dragged the 6kg luggage all the way down the road, breaking morning silence when the wheels met the rough layer of the road. My house is 15-20 mins walking from Architecture Department and it was not a delightful way of returning home from Porto. I couldn't stop myself praying for protection from Him. I prayed hard for my safety. I was keenly scared for anything bad to happen, for that morning might be the last morning I had. I begged for life, for myself to stay alive.
How irony it is, the other day you prayed hard to disappear when in fact you were still holding dearly to your life.
There was one time I came across a video from Nouman Ali Khan, I have no intention to present myself all saints and whatnot but I found myself in a good shape the closer I bring myself to Him, the speaker spoke about the slavery. We are living in life where we are bounded to world expectation, to commit the slavery to everyone's definition of success. 21st century modern life introduces to many chapters of success, perhaps the previous wars become the reference book for them to set the standard -the most powerful and the highest in the hierarchy will govern the world. They aren't bringing any happiness but devastation because the standard keep changing and upgrading higher and bigger with no clear aim. It feels like cuffing your hand to a long handrail that bring you nowhere but the same spot, again and again.
But Nouman mentioned there is one slavery that brings happiness, slavery to Allah. E.g if you are poor, you can still get into Jannah, the nicest place of all, by doing good deeds that are within your limit. Each one of us is given the opportunity to receive His reward by performing ibadah on our capability. He helps us all the way to the top when He benefits nothing from our success.
That doesn't mean what we have defined as our success is wrong. But there is time when I found myself fear of many. Those fears they only faded away when I turned them into fear of one and only -Allah. I am no longer feeling myself bonded to any -fashion, grades etc but the effort I did to achieve those I consider them all as ibadah and self-satisfaction. To study because Allah loves those who are seeking for knowledge since to commit slavery to Allah one must understand the responsibility comes with it, learn to understand, acknowledge and accept with heart. And I personally love to dress myself, not to impress anyone but I bet it is a human nature to appreciate the aesthetic value of their own treasure.
The threshold one should not cross in defining their own success is to commit themselves for slavery other than Allah because only after declaration of independence in 1957 we are capable of moving forward.
Like many others, I have always been dreaming to be a successful person. Everyone has a different meaning of success. But to me it is to have a dreaming job and the highest position I can climb in the society hierarchy which I define it as a living proof of intelligence, discipline and hardworking.
Second, to marry the one I loved, a man with a decent character and his family background that on par with me. We are going to live in a house designed by me, filled with love, waking up everyday still loving each other year by year.
Third, to be a good mother to my kids. I have a soft spot for kids, for a big family, perhaps since I have been raised in the exact environment. They drained my energy but they fueled me with attention, that only enough to drive me forward. For the children to be the best for their goals, to achieve the top of pyramid.
Last week was a miserable to the part where I started to deny the purpose of my existence. Maybe because I was too hard on myself, whenever I hit the bottom I find it is hard for me to handle the evil thought. The thought of "why there's not a thing you can do good? why do you even exist then?"
This morning, we arrived UoN at 3 from Gatwick Airport. The misfortune was that my battery left with 4% and I was waiting for a driver to respond to my quest when my battery died. I dragged the 6kg luggage all the way down the road, breaking morning silence when the wheels met the rough layer of the road. My house is 15-20 mins walking from Architecture Department and it was not a delightful way of returning home from Porto. I couldn't stop myself praying for protection from Him. I prayed hard for my safety. I was keenly scared for anything bad to happen, for that morning might be the last morning I had. I begged for life, for myself to stay alive.
How irony it is, the other day you prayed hard to disappear when in fact you were still holding dearly to your life.
There was one time I came across a video from Nouman Ali Khan, I have no intention to present myself all saints and whatnot but I found myself in a good shape the closer I bring myself to Him, the speaker spoke about the slavery. We are living in life where we are bounded to world expectation, to commit the slavery to everyone's definition of success. 21st century modern life introduces to many chapters of success, perhaps the previous wars become the reference book for them to set the standard -the most powerful and the highest in the hierarchy will govern the world. They aren't bringing any happiness but devastation because the standard keep changing and upgrading higher and bigger with no clear aim. It feels like cuffing your hand to a long handrail that bring you nowhere but the same spot, again and again.
But Nouman mentioned there is one slavery that brings happiness, slavery to Allah. E.g if you are poor, you can still get into Jannah, the nicest place of all, by doing good deeds that are within your limit. Each one of us is given the opportunity to receive His reward by performing ibadah on our capability. He helps us all the way to the top when He benefits nothing from our success.
That doesn't mean what we have defined as our success is wrong. But there is time when I found myself fear of many. Those fears they only faded away when I turned them into fear of one and only -Allah. I am no longer feeling myself bonded to any -fashion, grades etc but the effort I did to achieve those I consider them all as ibadah and self-satisfaction. To study because Allah loves those who are seeking for knowledge since to commit slavery to Allah one must understand the responsibility comes with it, learn to understand, acknowledge and accept with heart. And I personally love to dress myself, not to impress anyone but I bet it is a human nature to appreciate the aesthetic value of their own treasure.
The threshold one should not cross in defining their own success is to commit themselves for slavery other than Allah because only after declaration of independence in 1957 we are capable of moving forward.
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